If only you knew what was involved in bringing your food to the table.
That’s why I’m here. To educate the shit out of you. You would never go out to eat again if you knew the bullshit behind the scenes. So, I’m going to expose some of the secrets that my bosses don’t want you to know.
Why am I doing this? Because fuck ’em, that’s why.
Did you know…
… most of the time, restaurant workers are not allowed to call in sick. That’s right. We end up coughing, sneezing, and sometimes, vomiting, on your food.
… whenever you find a hair in your food, it belongs to your server, although the fuckers will tell you otherwise. In the kitchen, we are required to wear hair restraints. Your server is not.
… never get a lemon wedge with your water or tea. Your nasty-ass server doesn’t use tongs or wear gloves when he or she cuts the lemons, or when he or she puts the lemon in your glass. So, in essence, you’re touching all of the other shit and drug paraphernalia your server touches. Nasty fuckers.
… when you order a low-calorie or healthy dish at a very busy restaurant at a very busy time, we don’t take any extra care of you. We don’t have the time to cater to your stupid ass. Never go out to eat at your local grill and bar when you’re trying to eat healthy, dumbass. We don’t give a flying fuck about your little diet. Want to eat healthy? Stay at home. Cook your own shit. That’s the only way you can be assured that you’re eating what you are supposed to eat. Otherwise, I’ll cook your shit in butter.
… never, and I mean NEVER, go to a restaurant within 30 minutes of closing. You’re going to get horrible service, and bottom of the barrel food, especially if you try to eat at 10 minutes before closing. I have served food from the trash because some stupid fucks were allowed to eat after closing, after I had thrown out the food I was required to throw out. This doesn’t happen all the time, but it does happen. Want to avoid it? Avoid eating late at night, unless you’re at Taco Fuckin’ Bell.
That’s all for now…